Sunday, June 27, 2010

Top 10 Badasses in Literature

Who says that lit is boring? This is a list of the top 10 (actually 11) people in literature who don't let anyone mess with them

10. Tie:
John Clarke (Tom Clancy)
He’s not the biggest badass, but he’s the only good guy who will cut your fingers off if you lie.

Mitch Rapp (Vince Flynn)
“Let’s play a game. Round one: Lie and it’s your left foot. Round two: Lie and it’s your other one. Round three: Your knees. You don’t want to know what’s round four.”

9. Mr. B. Gone (Clive Barker)
Destroy this book. Destroy this computer if you read this. I am inhabiting this web page. I will devour your soul if you keep reading. Like that? Read the book.

8. The Time Traveler (H.G. Wells)
When was the first time someone fought off baddies in the future with a crowbar? It wasn’t Half Life. That’s for sure.

7. Captain Nemo (Jules Verne)
You think that all of the guys who live under the sea are weak? This guy uses Spongebob to clean the grout in his bathroom..

6. Tarzan (Edgar Rice Boroughs)
He was raised by apes, killed a leopard as a child, and had Phil Collins do his soundtrack. Nuff said.

5. Macbeth (Shakespeare)
He’s a good guy who goes bad, and manages to hallucinate that a blood-spewing spirit stole his chair. Also, of course no one of woman born can kill him.

4. Elizabeth Bennet (Jane Austen)
She killed off hordes of zombies and trained under shaolin masters of-wait, what do you mean “that’s not in the real book”?

3. Dracula (Bram Stoker)
He is so badass that he can make a box explode on command. Also, he turns into a giant werewolf, not just a bat. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Edward Cullen.
Bonus: He doesn’t sparkle.

2. George Challenger (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
He goes into a jungle by himself, travels to an uncharted plateu, singlehandedly kills a dinosaur and brings it back, and this is before the book even starts.

1. Sherlock Holmes (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
What do I need to say. He's the only guy who has outwitted everyone in the entire world, and survived falling down a waterfall. Not only that, he knows Bartitsu, a martial art that not even Bartitsu masters really know about.
Why is he wearing sunglasses in nineteenth century Europe?

The Top 25 Films

Since this is my first real article, I'm going to set up my basic view on films.
These are my 25 favorite films. I don't mean to say that these are actually the best ones ever made, well actually I do.

Warning: These films may not be ones you have seen or even heard of.

25. Tombstone



















There are plenty of good westerns, but the real reason I like this one is that this movie (despite historical inaccuracy) is that it shows a big story. For the most part, the story is real and the ensemble cast leads the story on beautifully. In short, everything comes together well.

24. Short Circuit



















This film was probably the first one I saw with real curse words. Seeing a movie like that as a little kid, it left an impression on me. I remember this film now, I see it ironically as a kidsy movie. Most movies about robots are extremely campy, but in this one, you can actually believe the characters (except for the white guy pretending to be indian) are real people who are trying to find some sort of solution to the problem of a robot that has gained self-awareness.

23. The Goonies



















This is my quintessential childhood film. I have numerous friends who all get together in a goonie-like scenario. Everyone wishes that they could go on some sort of adventure, and it really is a movie about a group of friends having one final adventure before they are all separated.

22. Jaws



















I am from Florida, land of the ocean (that makes no sense). I originally was afraid of big water monsters, but after I watched this film. I wasn't scared anymore. According to my pre-kindergarten mind, I was not like Quint. I was more like Hooper or Brody, who both survive. That apparently worked for me as a child. Aside from that, it's also one of the few movies of the era to have the old Hitchcock style, which almost none in modern day have.

21. Big Fish



















I love this film for the simple reason that it is about understanding your family. The reason I have this on my list is because most feel-good movies about families involve people getting to know each other. That really bores me. You know it's all going to be okay at the end, so why waste an hour and a half? This film is, as I mentioned, about understanding your family. The movie recounts the father's fictional life as his son wants to find the true story. What the truth is, in this case, is that the fiction is used because it is part of the father's life as much as the truth is. The meaning of the life is what matters, not necessarily the events.

20. The Matrix

As a sci-fi fan, I really love a lot of Phillip K. Dick fiction. If you don't know who he is, Phillip wrote the books that inspired Total Recall, Blade Runner, and a lot of other fiction about questioning reality. He didn't write the Matrix. However, his astounding genre of "Is this real?" is summed up in this film. Real life is a fiction, but then again, the "real life" outside the computer system in the film is also called into question. It just makes sense that the movie shouldn't make sense. Those sort of things I just love.

19. Scrooged

When I watch a "religious film", I get nervous. Most religious films that are released currently beat the audience over the head without really showing the meaning behind the story. I dislike Gibson's "The Passion of the Crist" mainly for that reason (and a bunch of others as well). This film, on the other hand, really shows an utterly horrid man (played a little too well by Bill Murray) who has a moral epiphany on Christmas. The story is done in the style of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, but it puts modern life in perspective. This film many times references the real christmas story, but it really puts the emphasis on the meaning of the story: A terrible person has the epiphany that he can do better in this world. He has a chance at redemption, starting on Christmas Day. If you want to get what I mean, read "The Christmas Note" It's the ending speech made by Murray.

18. Citizen Kane

Though Roger Ebert claims this is the greatest film of all time, I disagree. Though this film is wonderful, masterful, and just a generally enjoyable film about the rise and fall of a national leader, it just is too real. We see the story played out every few days with the "lions of Politics".

17. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

I like this film, just because. It's fun, exciting at some points, and we all wish we were Ferris. At least, Ferris for a day.

16. Ghostbusters

I like this for the same reason as the previous. Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd, Ernie Hudson, and Harold Ramis make the ultimate cadre of buddies that you can identify with. They aren't taken seriously, they have to work against great odds, and they triumph. It's a great story with action and humor. 'Nuff said.

15. Sneakers

As a rule, I hate, I mean hate, spy films. They just open themselves up to the concept of a Deus Ex Machina. Someone will have some item that allows them to do something crazy: laser pens, darts in their cuffs, all sorts of silliness. I can abide silliness, but if a movie tries to pass it off as a serious film, I get mad. This film is the only spy film that treats its audience as adults. The characters are believable, and the story is imaginative. It's also got Ben Kingsley, probably my favorite actor.

14. Gremlins

Aside from a couple short stories, nothing on this scale as a horror film would be made. The story, though with its plot holes, involves something loveable being corrupted into a horrific monstrosity, with lethal results. Stories of corruption in a (non-political setting) work well for me.

13. Signs

I can talk on and on about this film. I'm going to save you all some time since I'm feeling nice today. The plot itself is really just a re-imagining of "War of the Worlds", although without Tom Cruise :).The movie is another of those "religious movies" that I genuinely like. Though this family goes through hell, the manage to come out on the other side better. I am someone who doesn't believe in coincidences. I've had things happen to me that I really think mattered. If they were random, then I must have some sort of weird luck. That's the subplot of this movie.

12. The Sandlot

If anyone wants to have some ready-made good childhood memories, just sit down for about an hour and a half with this film. I just feel good after I see this film. It works every time.

11. The Year Living Dangerously

Earlier I said that I liked Ben Kingsley as a favorite actor, but he's tied with Linda Hunt. This film, based on a true story, is a snapshot of a period in history that not many of my generation have primary information about. This story is just masterful, but the real reason it #11 is because of the supporting character of Linda Hunt. She plays a person who wants their life back, but has come to the realization that no one can go back in time. Linda Hunt's death scene in the film is probably the best death I have ever seen in a movie.

10. Brazil

I like movies with replay value. THe great thing about Brazil is that you can watch it a dozen times, and still you won't see everything. It has one ot the most off beat plots and has some great characters and of course is directed by Terry Gilliam of Monty Python Fame. The theme's also pretty catchy.

9. The Secret of NIMH

If you want a movie that a child could enjoy, as well as a parent, go no further. NIMH is arguably my favorite film from my childhood. THe images are bright, dark, amazing, and deeply affecting. THe movie assumes a different perspective from what a human might see. And so, cats become demons, an owl is the most horrifying beast hell could create, yet wise. Mice become meek and harmless. The themes of this movie are also amazing. In NIMH, we have the conflict of science and magic, and the resolution might even surprise you.

8. The Dark Knight

Considering how I talk about this move, you might wonder why it is this low on the list. Really, I like it because, as Patrick has stated, it has good writing. Christopher Nolan does a good job, and he manages to make a good movie in spite of Christian Bale.

7. Stardust

Most epic fantasy films seem too epic. There's a distinct lack of emotion in most fantasy films I see. Lord of the Rings handles this well. However, this series should be seen as a series, not a single film. Therefore, my absoulte favoirte fantasy is hands-down Stardust. It's a fantasy with emotion, quirk, and the absoulte funniest role Robert De Niro has ever had.

6. Fletch

I honestly had no idea what to make of Fletch when I first saw it. It has the humor of a good comedy, the intrigue of a good thriller, and the Chevy Chase of a vacation flick. It has everything you want in a comedy-action flick. Not only that, Chase has a good ability to do drama, no one knows it unless they watch Fletch.

5. Pan's Labyrinth

If you want something honestly creepy, since maybe the comedic Fletch doesn't float your boat, you can take a trip down Pan's Labyrinth. Starring my favorite actor, Doug Jones as the hideous Pale Man, this movie will leave you with a feeling of fear, wonder, and possibly hope. In a movie that shows how evil the world can be, the end of this film made me have some hope in the human race if we have any Ophelias in the world at all.

4. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

If the labyrinth is too confusing, maybe there is hope found in this film. Done by the same crew as Brazil, Munchausen works to evoke a feeling of wonder and majesty in its viewers. Characters of old myths walk freely through the scenes, and we see who some of them truly are. The Baron himself is seen by me as one of my favoirte protagonists ever.

3. Blazing Saddles

I mentioned I wanted replay value in my films, and this has absolutely is the epitome of "see it again". Filled with both biting satire on prejudices of Hollywood and the silliness that Mel Brooks.

2. The Illusionist

Up until today, this was my favorite #1 film. It has amazing dramatic performances, Ed Norton in particular, an amazing plot with as many twists as a cruller made by a drunken Austrian Prince (yes I just made that joke). Also, the way the scenes play out, the characters dress, and all sorts of that direction yield an impressive film. It also doesn't hurt that you have Ed Norton performing real sleight of hand on film (I've seen people do the "passage of time" orange trick. It is as amazing the 50th time you see it as it is the first.

1. Interstate 60

Any college graduate, high school graduate, or a person going through some sort of change in their life should see this. It's a great movie about choices and how we live with them. The amazing scenes depict both the hilarious and sadly affecting. It's a movie with everything. Literally. Christopher Lloyd, Michael J Fox, Gary Oldman, Ann Margaret, Kurt Russel, Chris Cooper, James Mardsen, and Amy Jo Johnson (Kimberly from Power Rangers to you) all give their all in an amazing movie. I can't say anything without spoiling the phenomenal plot. This was the first film I had ever seen that really made me feel happy leaving it. The abject realism that is used to depict the fantastic causes you to really wish you could meet the characters in this film, and in doing so, you see that most all of them are actually people you really do know.

Good Afternoon

You've probably either stumbled onto this blog as what some might call a crazy random happenstance. This blog is where I deride and acclaim various films and types of entertainment media. Anything from funny pics, movies, youtube, television, toys, books and more are fair game.